Fly to Jesus

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me,when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-18 ESV

Today, we found out that we lost both babies.  Their names are Skylar and Charlie.  We now have five little babies in heaven.   The grief is so heavy.  The hopes and dreams and plans we had for these little ones will never come to fruition.  The sense of loss is overwhelming.  We had so many questions about these little ones.  How will they look?  What will their personalities be like?  What will be their strengths and weaknesses?  What will they do that will make us laugh? What will they do that will make us cry?  How will they interact with the world?  How will they grow?  We grieve that their lives were so short…and yet, they were on this earth for 21 years. We grieve for our babies, for ourselves, for our daughter, and for our friends and family who already love these little ones.  There are so many tears that flow and flow.

We have known all along that before we even launched on this journey God had a specific plan for us and for all five of these little ones.  We had thoughts and ideas and hopes about these plans, and we prayed fervently for long healthy lives for these little ones.  We are thankful that they are no longer in limbo, and that we got to love them and give them the opportunity to thrive.   We know that right now they are souls that are no longer frozen and waiting, but are free in the hands of a loving God.  We will get to meet all five of them someday, when there is an new heaven and a new earth.  Oh! That will be a glorious and beautiful day!  All of this is true.  Right now, though, is hard and sad, and right now our hearts are raw.  We will miss our babies until the day we get to meet them.  We know today is part of God’s plan, a plan that we often do not understand, and today is still so very hard.

We love you Sam.  We love you Taylor.  We love you Jesse.  We love you Skylar.  We love you Charlie.   Fly to Jesus, and LIVE!

3 thoughts on “Fly to Jesus

  1. My heart breaks for you. I know how much you want this. The words you speak are so strong of faith. I know you believe them. God still has a plan for you and Matt. Let yourselves grieve it’s Ok. There is plenty of time to be strong. It’s Ok. Will continue to pray for God’s leading.

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  2. We were waiting in anticipation of good news concerning the progress of these tiny people snd are extremely heartbroken for you all. We understand the heaviness that engulfs you right, now having suffered the loss of our own child. An important part of journey that can strengthen your resolve to continue to trust that ine day you will meet face to face these little souls. Our sincerest condolences to you and Matt and to all who waited in anticipation to welcome them into their hearts. Love to you both…Aunt Joni and Uncle Jerry

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  3. This was so helpful to me today; perfectly and beautifully worded. Even knowing that God has a plan, death wasn’t part of his plan and it is heartbreaking. When you wrote about the plans you had for them not being able to come to fruition, that touched me so much. Our lives have to go on without them and it is so hard. Thank you for your beautiful and honest words.

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